From reading the poem over and over again, it felt like a clique. So in all honesty coming up with another rap about love is something that is not so complicated. What was hard was that I did not like all the pieces that I came up with. I wanted to create a rap that has the essence of race, a sense of the poem itself, whilst having some elements of poetry within it.
The hardest thing to do was to make something as ugly as racism and separation be put into a love song. The original is about loving a woman, so how in the world do I put something in this kind of poem. Well, what I did was refer to them as “white people”. This would cause a sense of separation between the character, meaning him to be an African-American. This is to show the timepiece that it can be written from 80 years ago, to even today.
I constantly go back to reference from the original poem itself. This rap would not be anything unless I made sure I put some part of the poem it. I did so by keeping the core of the poem about a man’s love for a woman. It goes in the same order, from the meeting of the woman, to asking her about love. Small references such as “eye” “mockingbird” and “‘“Love me well ez I love you”’.
To close it up, I needed to make sure to place some elements of poetry into this piece. These are to make it feel like art instead of trash. Here are 4 elements of poetry in the rap. Alliteration, proven with the quote “wonder woman of my world”, all those words have a repeated sound of the first consonant. “Mockingbird” was the symbol of the song, the poem spoke of this as reference to his woman, but I made it into a symbol of love that is meant to be. Internal Rhyme is shown when it goes like, “Without a kiss it’ll a miss, because it would cause such a bliss”, as you can see, there is a rhyme scheme within one stanza. And finally, the mood of the poem was “Love me well ez I love you”, it all comes down to love.
I have created a rap that consist certain aspects of race, a hint of the poem itself, while using four elements of poetry.
The original poem is all about loving a woman. I had a hard time fusing something as ugly as racism and separation into a love song. Dunbar had chosen the title, "A Negro Love Song" and not just, "A Love Song”. By giving the poem such title, Dunbar could had been implying that African Americans have emotions as well, they aren't known only for slavery. Something I did was to refer to them as “white people”. This would cause a sense of separation between the character, making him evidently an African-American. This is to show even today, a timepiece that was written 80 years ago, can still be re-written.
I constantly go back to reference from the original poem itself. This rap is worthless unless I include a little piece of the original. I kept the core of the poem, a man’s love for a woman. Also, my poem goes in the same order, from a man meeting the woman, to gaining affection from her. I used small phrases such as “eye”, “mockingbird” and “love me well ez I love you”, allowing two people in a relationship to express their love for each other, other than physically.
Finally, I have incorporated 4 elements of poetry. Alliteration is proven with the quote “wonder woman of my world”. All of these words have a repeated sound of the first consonant. In the original poem, “Mockingbird” spoke as a reference to his woman, but I made the symbol to represent love, as a whole. Internal Rhyme is shown within one stanza, “Without a kiss it’ll a miss, because it would cause such a bliss”. And finally, the mood of the poem is “Love me well ez I love you”, as it all comes down to love. In the very end of my poem, the man learns that this woman does indeed love him as he loves her.
First of all, I chose Kai’s poem as a exemplary work because his remix of ‘A Negro’s Love Song’ was modernized and relatable. Kai took the original poem and made it interesting by using his tone/voice. Also, he made the surface meaning of the poem easy to comprehend. We can immediately recognize the man’s affection towards the woman. We all fall in love, one way or another.
However, I thought Kai’s analysis did not substantiate his reasoning of the poem. I started by cutting down unnecessary sentences. For example, “so how in the world do I put something in this kind of poem”, “so in all honesty coming up with another rap about love is something that is not so complicated” should not be put in a semi-formal analysis since it loses the connection to the audience. Being honest is good but there are fine lines to what you should write and not write. Some of the sentence structure was a little off, since he wrote it as if he was talking.
Throughout this project, I had to tackle revision frustration. Revision is definitely not an easy process because it requires you to rethink, reconsider and the process can often get tedious. Nevertheless, revising someone’s work is extremely challenging. I payed close attention not to reconstruct Kai’s opinion. I had to reread each sentence over and over again to understand what he was trying to portray. Overall, revising and reflecting on other's work can sharpen their exemplary work and teach us a important lesson of accepting other's opinion.